A Boston Tea Party …(Bat Phones)

The conservative pundit Fred Barnes calls it redefining conservatism. Mr. Barnes was given access to the President for his book “Rebel-In-Chief”. He has been pimping his new book and stoutly defending our current President’s version of conservatism. News-flash to Mr. Barnes, conservatism does not need any “redefining”. Today the “redefiner himself”, President Bush, announced he would use his first Presidential veto if Congress failed to allow the United Arab Emirates to take over six American ports.

In my eyes this is as screwed up a political move as the nomination of Harriet Miers. The United States should not allow any Arab nation to be involved with anything related to our border security. In order to be consistent I also want to say I support the profiling of Arab men in our transportation systems, something most hypocritical Democrats outraged by this port issue do not.

Proponents of the UAE takeover argue the country is an ally of ours and to prevent them from doing so would offend them. I hope they get as offended as many Arabs did over a cartoon in a newspaper therefore providing more evidence of the differences between the two civilizations. We refer to Saudi Arabia as an ally of ours as well yet the major course of study for Saudi Children is anti-American hatred. Our allies in the Arab countries continually have captured Islamic terrorists escape from their prisons. The most recent escape involved tunneling out of a prison, which is only possible when someone in authority helps to facilitate it. We cannot allow even a remote possibility of such a facilitation to take place on our soil.

The most obvious evidence the President is wrong on this issue is Jimmy Carter agrees with him. Carter also agreed with the President’s nomination of Ms. Miers. It was “unredefinable” conservatives such as Bennett, Kristol, Ingram, Limbaugh, Frum, and Levin who caused the Alito confirmation to happen. Well, their bat phones are ringing again. I hope these same conservative superheroes will again answer the call.

Cry Of The Loon …(Inside Ed’s Head)

The Fargo Forum had a hard-hitting, incredibly provocative (sarcasm) interview of Ed Schultz in the Sunday edition. The following are the actual questions with what should have been the answers. What was really inside Ed’s head was:

How’s the work on finding other studio space going?
We are trying to find a blue state that will take us. We have a few offers.

So you’re considering putting down roots in another city?
Hell yes, this area is just too conservative for a show like mine. I got in to this deal to sell myself and I just can’t do that from Fargo. I can do what O’Reilly and Scarborough are doing but not from here. Big Eddie on TV will be the bigger than “American Idol”.

Is it cost-prohibitive for you to set up your own facility?
We have to watch every dollar we spend that is why I constantly have to pimp myself for free stuff. I’ll talk anywhere, say anything, and challenge anyone for free air and hotel.

What are some of the reasons to not move the show?
They don’t offer me enough money. I’ve got one hell of a mortgage to pay you know.

When do you think you will make a decision about this?
When I get the offer I deserve. This is a business, man. You con people and get as much as you can while doing so. It is just business.

So basically, you’re saying you may have outgrown Fargo?
Not really. I just got an offer I couldn’t refuse. I saw an opening in the market and I went after it. Durbin, Daschle, and Dorgan ponied up and now I am theirs. They write it and I read it.

Which national Democrats aren’t getting it, aren’t talking to America the way you think they should be?
Listen to my show…if you don’t hear a particular person on there then they aren’t getting it. I’d love to have everyone of them on … I could charge them more. I am providing them an avenue to lie all they want about this administration and only a fool would not take advantage of that.

When you say someone doesn’t get it, do you mean they’re not using the right language?
It’s not so much not using the right language as it is not using my show to deliver their message. I need ratings to survive. Reid, Kerry, and Kennedy can only take this show so far.

You’re saying they won’t use radio as a tool?
Radio isn’t the tool, I am. I am a tool who will be whatever they need me to be. I took the money when Randi Rhodes refused to do so. I accepted the role as tool willingly and now some refuse to use the service I am providing. Maybe they think tools are easy to come by but I can tell you there are very few tools willing to do what I will do.

What do you mean by repetitive messaging?
I have a dumb audience which is great because I am not that bright either. We try to facilitate any conspiracy theory our listeners can imagine. We then repeat it as often as possible. Eventually some believe it to be fact.

Why is repetitive messaging so powerful?
If you are a moron like most of my listeners and you repeat something as often as possible then it becomes the truth regardless of how nutty it is.

Why do you think liberal talk show hosts have had such a hard time of it?
Well it should be obvious none of us are very good. The truth is our message only plays to the fringe. Mainstream America thinks we are nuts. It is my job to show them that we aren’t. It is a hard sell. As long as they keep paying me I’ll keep trying to convince them but I must say my previous audience was much brighter.

I think some folks who knew you when you had a radio show that was far more conservative wonder, ‘Ed, are you really liberal? What you say on the radio, do you really believe it?”
The honest to God truth is I am neither. I had those folks fooled as much as I do these. I am what ever I need to be to get a pay check. There wasn’t room for two conservatives in Fargo and Hennan had better connections. Presto! Changeo! Here I am. For some of us it really is a game and I just happen to play it very well.

Have you given any thought to running for political office?
Have you ever listened to my show? I’d embarrass myself. I pretend remember. I really know very little about most things.

A Boston Tea Party …(Eighteen Holes Of Golf)

There is a question that goes like this: If you could choose three people to go golfing with, who would it be? I used to answer that question by saying Bobby Knight, Bill Parcells, and Charles Barkley. Each person would say exactly what was on his mind. If I had to choose three politicians it would be Tom Coburn, John McCain, and Ken Blackwell with apologies to Alan Simpson but I can only choose three. Again, each of these gentlemen would not mince words.

Everyone knows who five of these six men are. Ken Blackwell is the mystery. Mr. Blackwell is running for governor in Ohio. Mr. Blackwell is black and is a Republican. Why would I want to golf with him? Mr. Blackwell believes as I do that you cannot call yourself a conservative and grow the size of government at the same time. He believes, as any true conservative should, an increase in the size of government is nothing more than career politicians purchasing job security. Career politicians place their individual constituencies above those of the nation. Mr. Blackwell is running to the right of most Republicans in Ohio.

Like Blackwell, Senator Tom Coburn has very little time for those who decide to make political office their career. As George Will recently wrote, “Coburn tartly told a Senator there is not one mention in the oath (of office) of your state.'' Our career politicians have turned governance on its ear. The oath they live by is “take home as much as you can to earn re-election regardless of whether it serves the national interest or not”. Coburn does not swear to this oath but instead promises to only serve two terms as a Senator.

McCain has made a career as a politician so he would be challenged by the other three. He like the rest of this foursome is not concerned with whether he ruffles a few feathers in his own party. He like the others calls things as he sees them. It would be interesting to hear Coburn and Blackwell debate McCain on the validity of being a career politician over eighteen holes of golf. While they see making political office a career differently, McCain and Coburn are combining to end all earmarks by bringing each pork project up for an up or down vote and thereby shaming current members of Congress into fiscal responsibility.

During this fabulous round of golf I would hope to offer hints that a team of McCain and Coburn would make for a nice President and Vice President combination. There would be agreements on many issues and disagreement on others. The conversation would be lively and interesting. Eighteen holes of golf and solving the nations fiscal problems … is there anything better?

The Ed Curse Is Alive And Well

A Boston Tea Party …(America Yawns)

What will it take? Kool-aid drinkers from both sides please, please pay attention. It is our responsibility as citizens to fix this mess and it crosses party lines. I write, write, write like a lone wolf howling in the wind. Hours are spent talking about a hunting accident when day after day the government pisses millions of dollars down the drain. Oh, It may get glossed over for a few minutes but where is the outrage? Democrats don’t believe there is waste. They want to throw more money after bad money. Republicans say they are concerned but the wasting never ends. Deep down most of them don’t mind the waste as long as they get their share. In the meantime the American citizen takes it in the ass. You see I am one of the few who is actually royally pissed off about waste but I need you and your neighbor to join me.

Government reports detailed tens of millions of dollars of fraud and mismanagement in the Katrina disaster. IS ANYONE SHOCKED? Why do we tolerate this stuff? If it were to happen on a rare occasion I could live with it but we all know there is waste upon waste in our current system. We print and handout money like there is no end to it. It makes not one bit of difference which party is in control. Waste still runs ramped and no one cares. For the life of me I don’t understand why not.

The solution does not exist with the current state of either political party. Neither party has the discipline or leadership to stop waste. Both sides, however, do a great job of blaming the other for the problem. What is needed are the expectations of the American public. We, you joining me, must demand that this repetition of waste come to and end. If we allow it then we are in effect to blame. Our government should run like a lean mean fighting machine but instead leaks like a sieve. Everyone just keeps on keep’n on. When will it stop? The modus operendi in dealing with the feds is how can I personally screw them for money. There is no honor anymore. You don’t have to be a genius to rob the federal government. A child could do it. We now even expect it. There will be jokes about the waste of Katrina on Letterman and Leno within the next day or two.

The baby boomers are now retiring. The people who created this culture of waste and allowance are going to be crippling this country with entitlements. In order to pay for all the bills ahead of us we must begin by demanding we get our money’s worth. Boston Tea parties were created over issues like this, yet America yawns. People like me will keep howling. When will you listen? I say throw them ALL out and let’s start this system over. What we have now is not what our forefathers expected. Why are so many willing to allow it?

A Boston Tea Party …(A Few Points)

Those of you who read my articles know I often think of things differently than the mainstream. My takes tend to be a bit different than the norm. In a similar manner my take on the Michael Brown testimony on Friday before the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee might surprise you.

I enjoyed Mr. Brown’s exchange with Senator Norm Coleman. Coleman was questioning Brown’s leadership and ability to get things done. Brown responded by saying, “I absolutely resent you sitting here saying that I lacked the leadership to do that, because I was down there pushing everything that I could. I’ve admitted to those mistakes. And if you want something else from me, put it on the table, and tell me what you want me to admit to.” Way to go Brownie. I loved it. He shot right back at the Senator but not quite enough.

I would have answered like this: “I absolutely resent you sitting here saying that I lacked leadership. Respectfully Mr. Senator, you can kiss my you know what. I’ve admitted mistakes but you country club Senators take none. Every day you add more and more layers of beauacracy to the system and you expect it to run efficiently. I will not take criticism from anyone the likes of you, who have never been in the trenches. You and your colleagues earmark projects for your constituents but fail to pay attention to things like levies. So, Mr. Senator, I won’t allow you to lecture me on leadership. From where I stand the leadership of this country stopped leading decades ago.”

Make no mistake I am not sticking up for the job Michael Brown did. I do however, refuse to bow at the majesty of the Senate. As Senator Tom Coburn (who should be President someday) suggests there are easily 200,000 – 300,000 people who can do their jobs, maybe even millions. How fun would it be if a supreme court justice nominee could give back the way Brown did on Friday? Brown may have helped to screw up the Katrina disaster but he made a few points with me. It was about time the “country clubbers” got some of their own.

A Boston Tea Party …(Hell Hath No Fury)

Those in the beltway of Washington D.C. do not comprehend how serious those of us common folk fell about closing our borders. They are placing politics with our security. The answer to this problem involves both sides getting some of what they want. True border security involves two issues. How do we keep illegals from entering the country and what do we do with the illegals already here? I would solve those issues in this manner.

Border security for American citizens is what our federal government is there for. The solutions do not need to be politically correct or as Fred Barnes said last night, “Seen as friendly.” Instead border security needs to be effective and unyielding. The first part of my solution is the creation of a wall because nothing works better. Building a wall does not mean immigrants are not welcome. It does mean they can only enter our country legally. Because a wall is so efficient in keeping out illegals the cost of building it can be offset with the less man-hours needed to patrol it. Only after we stop illegal entry can we offer anything resembling a guest worker program.

America does need people to occupy the jobs that for some reason some Americans refuse to do. This does not mean, however, companies should be given carte blanche in hiring them. As much as I would prefer all illegals were sent back to their countries, it is not feasible. We must deal with those who are here. I would give notice to all illegals that they have a ninety-day period to register nationally. They would be given allowance to seek employment. After ninety days all employers would be required to verify their employees have the proper registration. If the employee failed to deliver such registration the employer would be required to report them. Failure to register would mean exportation back home. Registration would allow them to stay in the country and earn citizenship after a number of years. Employers would not be allowed to look the other way any longer. They can only hire workers with the right to be in this country.

After these two solutions are implemented a guest worker program could be created to fill the remaining jobs. Immigrants can be allowed to enter this country in the same manner they have for hundreds of years…legally. America sits and waits while conservative Republicans battle with the administration on a solution. While it would not be good for us to find a terrorist entering the country from our southern border, it would be interesting. I would love to see all Hell break lose as the American people hold every single national politician responsible their lack of leadership on this issue. It may take something like that for the next Boston tea party to happen. A solution seems simple to me but I don’t have to pander to anyone. All our politicians need to remember, attacked once we will deal with it...attacked twice...well, hell hath no fury like an American citizen left unprotected.

A Boston Tea Party ...(Same year, Same Addict)

This was posted in February 2005 and still applies today.

Pst…..Pst…. Hey you……Pst…Hey you. Ya, you. Come here a minute. I have something your really gonna love. No….no….don’t be scared. It is harmless. There is no pain just all gain. Once you try it, you will fall in love with it. I promise…I promise…you will think it is the greatest thing you have ever tried. Here….here just take it. If you don’t like it bring it back to me….but I know you won’t. You will be hooked, you will be back every year for more because it is that good. I even have three different selections for you. They are all great….I promise. You can’t go wrong with any of them. Just choose one. If your lucky someday you can even try all three. You can choose from farm subsidies, welfare, or social security. I mean it……..cash one check and your hooked. Federal entitlements have created a whole different type of user in America. We have our drug users, our alcohol users, and we have entitlement users. The addiction is just as powerful because it is free money. Thank god, I have yet to be struck by this addiction. It is an addiction that can even cause red state republicans to ask for more. If you live in a Midwestern agricultural state, it is suicide to bring up farm subsidies to balance a budget. Oh sure, behind your breath you wonder why these folks need to live off the federal government but you better not say it to loud. A crack addict needs his crack the same way a farmer needs his subsidy. Without it he goes through withdrawals causing him to live off the fruits of his labor………like the rest of us. We succeed or fail on our own. The drug is so addictive; I warn you to never try it. All it takes is cashing that one check that has your name on it and you will want more. Oh sure you will have new equipment and vehicles but deep down you will have lost some self-respect. Eventually you will find yourself in some casino gambling this free money in the hopes you will win more. When the federal entitlements whisper to you on a street corner….run….run….run the other way as fast as you can. If you don’t your as good as gone. They will welcome you in with open arms and your whole existence will depend on them. Run, run I tell you and never look back….the subsidy dealer wants you.

A Boston Tea Party …(Overcome With Grief)

I nearly wrote this article the day after Martin Luther King Day but decided against it. After seeing the funeral yesterday of Mrs. King, those same thoughts come to mind. What is it about civil rights heroes that bring out the complete foolishness of those who speak? I don’t remember it always being like this but the last six to seven years have been instances of outlandish speech most usually surrounding Dr. Martin Luther King.

Craziness and heightened rhetoric have now spread to funerals. All parties pander to the base but there is nothing like popular Democrats pandering at a funeral. This seems to be one of the few places where you can pander to your masses while having the other side in attendance. This is where class shows up and where it leaves the building. Class is no longer part of eulogizing at a Democrat person’s funeral. Speaking of no class, someone needs to tell Jimmy Carter to stop! This man is a total embarrassment. Sure, he may not be on the same level as Ted Kennedy but he is getting very close. Every time he speaks it makes America humiliated because it reminds everyone that he actually won an election. Jimmy go build your houses and leave domestic and foreign affairs to those who actually have a spine. There are Democrats who have some courage but this man is totally gutless. If you look up “wussie” in the dictionary you will find his picture, shame on America forever electing someone like him. Excuse me, I digress.

In order to pander, in my eyes a nicer way of lying, one needs an audience to lie too. People in attendance must be willing to accept the lie and actually swallow it. No one swallows this stuff any better than black Americans. They love having someone tell them how tough they have it. It provides a wonderful excuse. It would have been an interesting contrast to have Bill Cosby, Charles Barkley, or Lynn Swann speaking. Two of these men are Democrats and one is a Republican. I am quite certain the message and tone would have been much different. Personal responsibility would have been the theme. Come to think of it, wasn’t that part of Dr. King’s message? Cosby, Barkley, and Swann could have brought a little class to this dedication. Speaking of individual responsibility creates independence. Independence is anti-Democratic party. Instead we got more of the same old. Maybe we should just blame this crazy talk on the Dems being overcome with grief. Grief can cause one to do stupid things. What we saw yesterday was a continuation of stupid.

Windblown Hayseed

With the loon (Ed Schultz) now off the airwaves in Fargo we are left with his underling. This blog has had a tremendous amount of fun taking shots at the loon. Since we are no longer able to listen to him (a good thing) for inspirational material, my attention will have to turn to Joel Heitkamp. While poking fun at him will not be as easy (because I don't have the same history as I had with Ed), I will do my best to drill him as often as I am inspired. Joel will have his own new section in this blog entitled "The Windblown Hayseed". Please allow me some time to get a fix on the "hayseed". This guy sounds so small town I barely ever listen to him. One thing I do know is he is an unapologetic Democrat so it shouldn't be to hard to find material to write about. Sorry Joel, you are next in line.

A Boston Tea Party …(Gullible Fools)

Because I am not tied to either of the political parties, I connect dots kool-aid drinkers are unable to see. The image I can’t get out of my head from last night’s SOTU speech was President Bush clasping hands with Senator Dick Durbin like two teammates that had just scored a touchdown. They held their clasp for a minute and yucked it up for a bit. How the heck is this possible?

Let me say I have no problems with the office of the Presidency per say. A President can only serve two terms and if he does a poor job can be booted out of office after the first. Congressman on the other hand are more than likely their for as long as they decide to be. Durbin and Bush giving a version of a high five? Are we being conned? Do these people attack each other on camera and make nicey nice off of it? Do elected officials from opposite parties actually dislike each other less than those of us in the public? Check any comment section out in this blog site and you will see Republicans and Democrats at each other’s throats. Watch Durbin or Kennedy speak on television and it sure seems they don’t like Bush very much. So what gives with the clasp of hands? We constantly hear opposing Senators refer to each other as the “esteemed gentleman from” or “my friend from” while they basically call each other liars.

We in the public feed of this stuff and treat those from the opposite party with disdain. I am certain those who read what I say and disagree with will not be clasping hands with me anytime soon nor I with them. I don’t accept these two men clasping hands. It doesn’t add up. Should they be civil towards each other? Yes! So a nod would have been adequate but no teammate like clasp.

This is my hunch. When you get to Washington you become part of the “gang”. The “gang” has certain rules and in those rules you attack each other like wild dogs but are not supposed to take anything personal. The problem is the public has different rules. We see these people going at it day after day on policy and it adds up. People from opposite parties DISLIKE each other immensely in the general public and I think our politicians want it that way. Carl Rove wants it that way. Howard Dean wants it that way. Rush Limbaugh wants it that way. Sorry, I don’t know any good liberal talk show hosts but if there are any he/she would want it that wayas well. Everyone has bought into this except it seems Washington. When the cameras go off I think these guys sit down and break bread. I think these people are playing us for “rubes”.

We can never understand how the “gang” works. First of all very few are allowed into the Washington “gang”. Congressmen have so much money, have gerrymandered most districts, and refuse to leave office so others may serve. Thirty-four percent of the American public thinks Congress is doing a good job. Their favorable ratings are always this low regardless of the party in power. Yet we keep voting them back in. Evidently, it is only the other Congressmen who does a terrible job and not your own. The President stated last night that America is addicted to foreign oil. Wow! What a news flash. Many of us can remember the gas lines of the ‘70’s during the Carter years. In thirty years the same officials we elect time after time have done nothing to solve this problem more than likely because of partisanship. We cannot just blame the President for this situation because the Presidents have changed over the last thirty years. Most Congressmen have not. The same people we saw standing and clapping or sitting and groaning last night were the same people in office thirty years ago. Time has passed but nothing has been gained.

So why do we keep putting these irresponsible people back into office year after year? Why can’t local party officials say we won’t support the incumbent any more and want someone else to represent the party? Until we change this, until we change congressmen as often as we do Presidents there will always be certain guarantees. We will always be addicted to foreign oil. We will always have extreme partisanship when the cameras are on. We will be treated by elected officials as gullible fools. Bush and Durbin clasping hands! I can't believe I saw it.

Cry Of The Loon ...(Goodbye!)

Well friends, it looks like the loon is gone. The creative inspiration for this section of the blog is no longer part of Fargo. I will miss ripping him but one never knows our paths may cross again. I hope all have enjoyed what I have written about the "Cry of the Loon". If you are new to this blog look for the sections with that title throughout the history of this blog. Hopefully, you will enjoy the humor as much as I did writing it. If people would like to see all those articles posted consecutively let me know.

As a final rip.........I include this song(the beat follows the Wicked Witch song from the Wizard of Oz).

The Crazy Loon:

Ding Dong! The Loon is gone. Which old Loon? The Crazy Loon!
Ding Dong! The Crazy Loon is gone.
Wake up – fargo residents, rub your ears, turn on your radio.
Wake up, the Crazy Loon is gone. He's gone where the liberals go,
Lets Celebrate - Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let everyone know The Crazy Loon is gone!

As writer of this blog, In the City of West Fargo, I welcome you most regally.

But we've got to verify it quietly, to see

To see?

If he?

If he?

Is morally, ethic'lly

Spiritually, philosophically

Positively, absolutely

Undeniably and reliably gone.

As writer I must aver, I thoroughly examined him.
And he's not only merely gone, he's really most sincerely gone.

Then this is a day of Independence For all the Fargo residents and North Dakotans

If any.

Yes, let the joyous news be spread The Crazy Old Loon at last is gone!

Ding Dong! The Loon is gone. Which old Loon? The Crazy Loon! Ding Dong!
The Crazy Loon is gone.