Cry Of The Loon …(Inside Ed’s Head)

The Fargo Forum had a hard-hitting, incredibly provocative (sarcasm) interview of Ed Schultz in the Sunday edition. The following are the actual questions with what should have been the answers. What was really inside Ed’s head was:

How’s the work on finding other studio space going?
We are trying to find a blue state that will take us. We have a few offers.

So you’re considering putting down roots in another city?
Hell yes, this area is just too conservative for a show like mine. I got in to this deal to sell myself and I just can’t do that from Fargo. I can do what O’Reilly and Scarborough are doing but not from here. Big Eddie on TV will be the bigger than “American Idol”.

Is it cost-prohibitive for you to set up your own facility?
We have to watch every dollar we spend that is why I constantly have to pimp myself for free stuff. I’ll talk anywhere, say anything, and challenge anyone for free air and hotel.

What are some of the reasons to not move the show?
They don’t offer me enough money. I’ve got one hell of a mortgage to pay you know.

When do you think you will make a decision about this?
When I get the offer I deserve. This is a business, man. You con people and get as much as you can while doing so. It is just business.

So basically, you’re saying you may have outgrown Fargo?
Not really. I just got an offer I couldn’t refuse. I saw an opening in the market and I went after it. Durbin, Daschle, and Dorgan ponied up and now I am theirs. They write it and I read it.

Which national Democrats aren’t getting it, aren’t talking to America the way you think they should be?
Listen to my show…if you don’t hear a particular person on there then they aren’t getting it. I’d love to have everyone of them on … I could charge them more. I am providing them an avenue to lie all they want about this administration and only a fool would not take advantage of that.

When you say someone doesn’t get it, do you mean they’re not using the right language?
It’s not so much not using the right language as it is not using my show to deliver their message. I need ratings to survive. Reid, Kerry, and Kennedy can only take this show so far.

You’re saying they won’t use radio as a tool?
Radio isn’t the tool, I am. I am a tool who will be whatever they need me to be. I took the money when Randi Rhodes refused to do so. I accepted the role as tool willingly and now some refuse to use the service I am providing. Maybe they think tools are easy to come by but I can tell you there are very few tools willing to do what I will do.

What do you mean by repetitive messaging?
I have a dumb audience which is great because I am not that bright either. We try to facilitate any conspiracy theory our listeners can imagine. We then repeat it as often as possible. Eventually some believe it to be fact.

Why is repetitive messaging so powerful?
If you are a moron like most of my listeners and you repeat something as often as possible then it becomes the truth regardless of how nutty it is.

Why do you think liberal talk show hosts have had such a hard time of it?
Well it should be obvious none of us are very good. The truth is our message only plays to the fringe. Mainstream America thinks we are nuts. It is my job to show them that we aren’t. It is a hard sell. As long as they keep paying me I’ll keep trying to convince them but I must say my previous audience was much brighter.

I think some folks who knew you when you had a radio show that was far more conservative wonder, ‘Ed, are you really liberal? What you say on the radio, do you really believe it?”
The honest to God truth is I am neither. I had those folks fooled as much as I do these. I am what ever I need to be to get a pay check. There wasn’t room for two conservatives in Fargo and Hennan had better connections. Presto! Changeo! Here I am. For some of us it really is a game and I just happen to play it very well.

Have you given any thought to running for political office?
Have you ever listened to my show? I’d embarrass myself. I pretend remember. I really know very little about most things.