A Boston Tea Party …(Dear Santa)

Dear Santa,

It has been quite a few years since I have written you a letter for Christmas. I hope you will accept my letter as you have in the past. Hopefully, all things are going well for you at the North Pole. Please say hello to all the elves for me and give Rudolph a hug from me. There will be cookies and milk awaiting you at the bottom of the chimney as always. My children are very anxious for Christmas eve.

I write this letter so that you may know what I want for Christmas this year. I am sure you are receiving many of these same letters this year so maybe you could include them all in one big wish. You are probably receiving so many of the same requests this year because my friends and I are really getting desperate. The media has done all they can to help us with our wish but I felt we needed someone even more powerful so I decided to write you. The gift I would like for Christmas this year is for America to lose the war in Iraq. The Iraqis have a vote tomorrow and it would be wonderful if you could arrange for it to go badly. Please don’t misunderstand I do not want anymore American soldiers to die; it is just that it would help my friends and I politically if this war went badly for our country. If you could somehow make sure we lose the war without another loss of life that would be great.

I realize this is an unusual request but I am hopeful that you will grant me this as my gift. You see my friends and I have placed our loyalty to those Iraqis who want us out of their country. The citizens of Iraq have been very impressive in turning out for prior elections. The election tomorrow is to elect a parliament and a rather large turnout is expected. I therefore am faxing this letter to you so that it may get to you immediately. I would be so grateful if you could help turn this war back into the favor of the insurgents. If you receive this letter and it is to late to make the elections go badly tomorrow feel free to do whatever is possible to make the war go badly for this President. If I receive this gift from you I can guarantee you my request next year would be for a Democrat to win the Presidency in 2008. Next year’s gift would be much easier if you grant the one for this year. Maybe that is the way you can sell this to your elves, just tell them the hard part is this year and next year my gift will be easier because of the hard work they did for me this year.

I appreciate your time Santa. My kids and I just love you. I am confident you will be able to provide me with the gift I requested. You always have. I still have that red wagon you brought me in 1965.

Your Friend,
A Common Democrat

P.S. Please destroy this letter after you read it and deny ever seeing it.